fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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