he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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