Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
