i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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