I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
