Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
