I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize