Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
