im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
