There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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