Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
