hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
