I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
