come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize