I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize