the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize