Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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