Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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