I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Watching her eat just hurts me
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Come on in and take your pants off
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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