oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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