im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
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Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
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I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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