I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
