Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
