my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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