So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You are the jesus of drinking
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
