i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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