Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
