everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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