while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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