remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
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The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
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Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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