Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
