Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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