i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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