Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
