she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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