omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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