tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
