Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
pray to the hookup gods
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
