So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
