You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just invented taco cereal.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
