Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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