U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
