I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
