I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
it's great music for shaving your balls
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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