Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
