have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
