I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You pole danced in your parka.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
