I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
