I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
