You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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