I just cut my nipple shaving
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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