Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
