Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
