What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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