i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
