my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
