Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
