I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
