Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
