I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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