We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
