Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
