i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight