i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
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A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
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I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY