So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love