thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
