yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.