They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize