I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
