sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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